Twitchy pins…


When Mrs Penis Penis told me she never got a good night’s sleep because she has restless legs I must confess to my shame that I laughed.  I didn’t realise it was an actual condition…I had thought she was quoting Half man half biscuit to me… It was getting on for Christmas time, so what to make her for Christmas seemed pretty obvious…

Here she lies in a fleecy gown
By my side in the eiderdown
But she can’t get a ticket to Morning Town
Cause I’ve got restless legs

Boring though this film may be
Slumber still won’t visit me
So long as you stay next to me
For I have restless legs

Milky drink and Sudafed
“That should sort you out” she said
As I kicked myself clean out of the bed
And raised my restless legs

Call me a puppet. Cures I’ve sought
All in all they’ve come to naught
I wish it was some astronaut
Who had these restless legs

4:06 and I’m wide awake
Got an uncontrollable urge to take
A 5-mile hike around the Ogwen lake
And stretch these restless legs

No sympathy from Uncle Greg
Nor indeed from Auntie Meg
Well Thank God I’m not Jake the Peg
With an extra restless leg

So come the day when I don’t exist
And worms are flying through the graveyard mist
Don’t go calling the exorcist
It’s just my restless legs
It’s just my restless legs
It’s just my restless legs

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2 responses to “Twitchy pins…

  1. Great poem again, nice one. Funnily enough ( or not, as the case may be) I occasionally get “Restless Legs” too. It’s bloody awful and infuriating. But I don’t go to bed with a potato underneath my feet – the craziest Old Wives remedy I ever heard !!

    • Oooh no! You get restless legs too! I wish I could take credit for the poem, but it wasn’t written by me…it’s a Half man half biscuit song…a very good one too…look it up if you get a chance x

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