Button – I cannot cope with mathematics
Robert – Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house
Button – Sorry Robert… it’s just I’m more used to writing than looking at numbers
Robert – Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards
Button – Okay, maybe you’re right.. I’ll try my hand at numbers and sums
Robert – I never learned from a man who agreed with me
Button – Oh, piss off Robert.
My day in numbers…
Cups of coffee – Four
Cigarettes – None
Muddy cat paw prints on dining room table – Twelve
Men who came to fix the shower – One
Men who came to fix the fridge/freezer – Two
Number of broken appliances in house actually fixed – None
Good news sum: Wet cups + tea towel on kitchen radiator = No drying up
Bad news sum: Not going shopping + broken and therefore empty freezer = Ainsley Harriott’s rank asparagus and leek packet risotto effort for tea. Yuk.
Random Button Fact no.145 – Me, Mrs Armitage, Moo-Ma, Moo-Pa and our late Nanna met Ainsley Harriott in a Wetherspoon’s in Sheffield. Extra bonus detail: Nanna got him to sign a photograph of her bungalow. FACT.